Send them Off
by Natalie Rushman
Summary: Post 'Ragnarok'. SPOILERS. Just some moments/discussions I thought the brothers could use after everything they've been through that the movie did not leave time for. Three unrelated one-shots, for now. I may add to it later. Rated T mainly for safety's sake.
1. Pompeii

It was dark aboard the ship. Darker than Thor had anticipated.

It had taken them perhaps the length of three days, first to realize that they had neglected to allow for nightfall, and then to find that there was a control on the vessel, that – when activated – regulated itself with the approximate length of days, and dimmed the lights of its own accord at what would have been the setting of the sun. They'd had only the sleeping patterns of the children to guess by. None of the adults had had the time to rest or regain themselves since they'd boarded.

It had been – to their best reckoning – three days, but this was only the first 'night' they had experienced.

Food had been found, and lodging, of a sort, for the people. They rested as refugees, sharing cloaks and food, leaning one against another, children in their mother's laps, all finding places of their own amidst the remnant of their people.

Finally, all had been settled, and Thor found that there was at last no other thing that begged his hand.

"Go," Heimdall had smiled at him. "Rest," he'd said, "And I will keep watch." He turned his head away, looking out with his golden eyes on the stars and galaxies that sprawled out before them.

After a moment, Thor had nodded his head. He patted the Guardian's shoulder. "Thank you, Heimdall," he'd said.

And he had gone to what chambers were his own.

He had protested, at first, that he should sleep alone and have rooms to himself when his people were so inferiorly bedded, but Heimdall had counseled him that, just as it was not good for a people to see their king bleed, so also it was not always good for them to see their king sleep. And after a moment's thought Thor had seen the wisdom in that and he had allowed it done.

He met few on his way to his rooms in that first dark. Most were asleep already, exhausted by grief and by trial.

In the silence and sudden seclusion of his own rooms, Thor found he could not rest. He paced in the space that had seemed so vast only days ago. He removed his armor and cast it aside. He sank down into a chair, and he waited for rest to find him.

Impatiently, he got up.

Finally, he left his rooms, shutting the door softly behind him, and he stole out into the darkened halls.

He did not knock when he came to the door, and when he opened it, Loki did not turn, though Thor knew he was aware of his entrance. It was as though both of them had known he would come.

The first time Thor had come to find him here, perhaps the span of two days before, he'd been adjusting to the failings of his new scar, and he'd run his shoulder against the doorframe.

Loki had grinned at him.

"Not a word," he'd growled.

"Did I tell you yet how magnificent it makes you look?" Loki had asked.

And a large part of Thor had wanted to laugh.

Since then, he had become more accustomed to his own utter lack of depth perception.

And this time, Loki did not turn to greet him.

His rooms were toward one of the back edges of the ship, so that the view out of the wide paneled windows opened out to show the stars as they spun out and away behind them.

Loki stood, staring out of the window with his arms folded.

Softly, Thor came across the carpeted floor to join him. He positioned himself so that Loki was on his visible side. He'd made the mistake once before, and had been _gently_ reminded why it was not good to have Loki nearby, yet out of sight.

Loki made no move, and his face was very blank.

Folding his own arms, Thor followed his gaze. The absolute depth of the void spilled out beneath them, with only the paneled glass between them and it. And the stars without were living, writhing globes of light.

The ship dragged forward. It left no sign of its movement among the stars. They only continued to flow by the windows, and to get farther, and farther away. All with the eerie silence of the dead. The only sounds were those of the ship itself, and those were both subdued and rare.

Silence hung over them like a shroud.

"It's gone." Loki murmured.

The silence had been so absolute and the words so softly spoken that Thor was unsure if he had heard them at all. "What?"

"All of it," Loki said. He gave the slightest shake of his head, gripping his forearms, "It's all just… _gone_."

"Did you expect it to end differently, when we unleashed Surt?"

At another time, Loki might have taken insult at that. He might have turned it to one of his games. Or he might have laughed. But now, with the night hanging its rich folds about them, he only bowed his head. "No," he said, after a moment, "I didn't… But…" he looked again out of the window, and in the weird light of the stars, Thor saw the glint of tear tracks on his face.

The night offered certain allowances that daylight refused.

"But Asgard was always there to go back to, before," Thor supplied. He smiled softly.

In the dark Loki looked at him. Thor did not turn his eye from the stars, and, after a startled moment, Loki only nodded his head, and he turned back to face the glass.

Thor drew a long breath, "Asgard ceased to be my home long ago."

Silently, Loki asked explanation, and reluctantly, Thor continued. "When Father banished me, I thought of nothing but my return. I knew that if I could only _get home_ , all would be well," he said. "But that wasn't…"

Loki wasn't looking at him anymore. His mouth was a slash in his face.

Thor swallowed thickly, hugging his arms, "It wasn't the same. It was a symbol of all that _had been_ , and it continued on…and I," he stopped himself. "That was why, after I lost you on Svartalfheim, I could not stay. Without Mother, without you," he inhaled, "there was nothing to come back to. And I couldn't – I couldn't do it again."

Loki didn't look at him. "If it's any consolation," he whispered, "I had no idea what I was doing."

Thor hesitated, "To…me?"

"Alive." Loki answered. "I," he faltered, "I didn't expect it when I woke up," he smeared the heel of his palm against his cheek, "on Svartalfheim."

Thor didn't know what to say. He stood, and he looked out on the stars.

"You don't miss it, then?" Loki asked.

"As the place where I grew up," Thor answered softly, "yes. But for itself," he shrugged half-heatedly, "I mourned Asgard long ago."

"Where there many lost?"

"She killed Asgard's hosts within the first hour. Fandril, Hogun and Volstagg," he paused, recalling their faces, "…among them. Beyond that," he shifted his feet, "I have yet to tally up the living and the dead."

Yet to tally them, name them, feel their loss. Grief was sometimes a thing slow in coming, and he was grateful for the respite.

"Perhaps it's best we don't," Loki suggested.

"And let them be forgotten?"

"And let them know peace."

Thor looked at him for a moment, then nodded his head, more in understanding than agreement.

Beside him Loki drew a long breath and blew it out. "What will you miss most?" he asked.

There was the hint of a smile in his voice, and the night felt so like the old days, when they had been no more than boys, _brothers_ , and nothing yet had come between them, that Thor gave a soft laugh, "The waterfall," he decided, "that little one, way off on the third island to the north. Father took us there once, when we were very young."

Loki smiled thinly. "Wasn't that the day he tried to teach us to fish?"

"We had many of our first adventures among those islands," Thor smiled at him.

He thought of those times, of the sun warm on his skin, of how happy and innocent he had truly been. He felt them like a phantom's touch.

Loki looked out at the stars.

"I'll miss Mother's gardens," he said then, softly. "And the dunes, where she would take us when we were children." He turned to Thor, "Do you remember them?"

Thor felt the soft picking of tears. He let them fall. "I remember them," he said.

The smile in Loki's eyes faltered and fractured and slid.

"I didn't…" Loki looked away. He took a breath. "I didn't mean to hasten his death," he said, finally, eyes fixed on the glass. "To bring about… _this_."

"He knew that," Thor answered at length.

Loki looked at him without really turning his head. Thor saw the fresh tears running from his eyes.

Thor glanced at the ground, then, deciding, he raised his head. "As do I."

He smeared the tears off his own face. "I think," he said, "That was actually the closest I ever heard him come to telling you he was proud of you."

Loki jerked a laugh behind his hand.

Thor let himself smile.

Nodding his head as he gathered himself, Loki let the hand fall, "That sounds like us," he said. He wiped his face with his palm.

"He was prouder of you than he let you know," Thor said.

Loki's mouth tugged up in the corner nearer him, "You sound like Mother," he said. He hugged his arms.

"Well," Thor smiled, "one of us should. We're all that's left of them now."

His heart failed him a little then. Between one moment and the next, Thor remembered all that had passed between them. The love and betrayal and redemption they'd both enacted, one upon the other.

He'd lost mother, father and home, and he didn't quite know how to vocalize the sudden dropping fear that blossomed in the pit of his stomach.

Instead of speaking, he put out one hand and gripped Loki's shoulder.

Loki glanced at him. Then, reading him like he always could, Loki softened. He moved and let Thor drag him into an embrace.

Neither spoke, and the gesture lasted no more than a moment, but it was enough.

They stood together, and they watched the stars recede behind them as the ship bore them further toward what Thor hoped would be a welcoming new home for his people. A new start.

And he was happy in that moment, secure in the knowledge that whatever came next, for now at least, his brother stood with him.

They had a second chance.

* * *

 **I know I should be working on other things. Promise I'm working on them. This just wouldn't leave me alone.**

 **I _had_ intended this to be a one-shot, and it may remain as one, but I just as easily may add to it - as a string of PTSD/post-Ragnarok one-shot stories that will have no connection to one another. It's just easier to have a story to dump them in. Thor and Loki did not do what I expected them to in this fic. I expected something more violent. But this is what I got. So, we'll see what we'll see. **

**Thus far I've only seen 'Ragnarok' once. After I see it again I will probably have new thoughts.**

* * *

 **Oh. The title is from a _Bastille_ song. Originally the story was gonna have more connection with the lyrics than it does have. Further reason for me to elaborate with this fic, I guess.  
**

* * *

 **ALSO. As I was writing this one, I started reading sxmmy's fic I Thought the World of You. And chapter two handles this same kind of scene SO WELL, I'm kinda jealous. I haven't gotten past chapter 2 yet, but they are SO worth the read. So find it. Read it. Review. It's awesome.**

 **Peace out.**


	2. No Light, No Light

**This does not follow from the first chapter. It's a one-shot in it's own right, along very similar lines to the first.**

 **I'm sorry. I can't help myself.**

 **I take it back. I'm not sorry at all.**

 **I do what I want.**

* * *

 **Named for a Florence and the Machine song.  
**

* * *

 **This takes place at the very end of the movie.**

* * *

 **I**

So much had happened. So much lost.

Weirdly enough, somehow, Thor felt – in the moment – that he'd won.

He knew it would not take long to wear off.

His brother had come to speak to him, and he stood, framed by the door that stood open just behind him.

Thor eyed him. The edges of the stopper felt sharp in his fingers. "I might even give you a hug if you were here," he said. And he threw the little silver thing.

His aim was off. The stopper would have flown straight over his shoulder had Loki not caught it. Dismay pricked in Thor's breast. He ought to have expected that it would take him longer to adjust to his wound.

Then, with a pang of surprise that was entirely different, Thor saw that Loki was smiling, holding the stopper in his raised hand. "I'm here," he said.

Thor had been half-joking, when he'd spoken. He had been so certain that Loki would not have come. After everything…

After everything. In spite of everything. Thor was glad to see him.

In three strides he closed the distance between them and dragged Loki against him.

He was _solid_. He was _real_.

Giving a soft, startled laugh, Loki returned his embrace.

Thor drew back, keeping his hand on the warm skin between Loki's neck and shoulder – an old, familiar gesture between them that Thor had learned from their father.

Odin had been _their_ father, at the last. Even Loki would have admitted it.

Hadn't he claimed Hela as sister alongside him?

Searching Loki's green eyes, Thor gave a soft smile.

Loki's expression turned mocking, "Sentiment, Brother, after everything?"

Thor smiled. "So much so, that at times like this," Loki's neck was warm against his hand, solid, _present_. "I think I might forgive you all of it, even though I knew you'd only do it all over again."

The look in Loki's eyes changed utterly and the laugh that passed his lips was forced. "You…" his gaze fell away, and he swallowed thickly before flicking his eyes up to meet Thor's again with a little, rueful quirk to his mouth, "You don't understand what you're saying," he said.

Feeling that old annoyance flickering to life in his breast, the annoyance that had been his more truly than anger when he had found that – after all this time – Loki was still _alive_ , hiding behind the guise of their father, Thor smiled thinly. "Then why don't you explain it to me."

He came between Loki and the door, and he shut it.

Loki was looking at him intently from a few paces deeper in the room, his face white in the strange light aboard ship.

Settling on his feet, Thor folded his arms. "Well?"

Loki shook his head. "You're not going to make me do this."

" _You_ started it." Thor prompted.

Loki's eyes flicked from the door behind Thor's back, to Thor, to the wide window that was on his right. "You said it yourself," he admitted, finally, eyes on the glass. "I'll never change." Meeting Thor's eyes he gave a wide shrug, and a thin, false smile.

Thor nodded his head. Then he took two steps forward. "That's not the whole story, I think. What is it, Loki, that you are _still_ not telling me?"

Loki had taken a step back, farther into the room and away from Thor. "Would you have me go back farther than the last two days?" he asked bitterly.

"Stop hiding behind my words." Thor said. Then, rubbing his face with one hand, he sighed, "Loki…"

" _No_ ," Loki interrupted him.

Thor frowned.

Loki's face was white, his mouth a slash in his face. "You accused me of killing our father," he said. "You accused me of unleashing our sister on Asgard. _I_ ," his voice rose to a shout as he jabbed himself in the chest, "am the reason Asgard has fallen and out people have no home. I led _our people_ to ruin. I," he gave a half caught-back laugh, "Father kept me in the dungeons for _a year_ because of my crimes on Midgard. Do you remember none of that?"

Thor only watched him, his hands lowered, his brow drawn and his expression wary.

"I _let the frost giants in_ on the day of your coronation," Loki said. "It was _I_ who orchestrated _all_ the greatest tragedies of your life, Thor. I _faked my own death_ –"

All the years, Thor had not known Loki's hand in his disrupted coronation. He startled, and Loki laughed.

"Oh, so Father never told you that either?"

"Loki," Thor's hands closed into fists, "Stop this."

"I killed her." Loki said.

Thor's blood ran cold. " _What_?"

"As you, _flew,_ from the front lines," Loki said. His breath came unevenly, "did you not know that if you only had a _few more moments_ you would not be too late?"

Thor remembered. He'd woken countless times with his heart in his throat, knowing that if he had been only _moments_ faster, he might have saved their mother. He felt the electricity run along the nerves in his arms. "Loki…" Thor's vision swam, "Loki, enough with the lies."

" _Lies_?" Loki laughed. "You're tired of lies?"

Taking up a chair that was the nearest thing to hand, "I told you it was enough!" Thor threw it at him.

Cold air washed over him like a door opened on a blizzard and Thor flung up one arm to shield his face. The blast lasted no more than a moment and Loki stood before him in the form of his birth, his skin dark and ridged, his eyes glowing red in the dim room.

" _Everything_ we were raised on was a lie!" he shouted. " _I_ told the Kursed where the Control Room was and set him on his path!" he railed. "If it hadn't been for _me_ , you might not have been too late!"

Thor felt the electricity rise and surge only just barely within his control. It licked about him like a rising tide in his blood.

" _Enough!_ "

The blast burst out of him and when the light faded and Thor had blinked the last sparks out of his eyes, he found that Loki had been thrown against the far wall. He was in his own form, sprawled on the ground, his eyes dazed.

Breathing hard, Thor closed the distance between them.

Loki's chin tipped up and he looked wordlessly at Thor. His eyes were clear. Nearer, Thor could see tear-tracks on his face. Blood trickled from one nostril and he raised one hand to smear it off. He seemed startled to see that it was blood.

He was dazed more than he was injured.

"Stay here." Thor decided.

Whirling on his heel, he did not turn before he'd flung the door shut behind him.

 **II**

Korg was running up to meet him from the left side of the corridor. Thor had no wish to stand and talk. His jaw set, he started off toward the right. All he had intended to do was to extend affection to his brother, after all that had befallen them. He should have expected Loki to react as perversely as he always did.

Not as he always _had_ , Thor thought harshly, but as he always _did._ He didn't want to remember anymore the boy that Loki had been. Hadn't Loki told him himself that it was best to just let him go?

" _I killed her."_

It didn't take the Kronan more than a moment to catch up with him.

The tips of Thor's fingers buzzed with residual energy. He closed his hands into fists.

"Is…" Korg tipped forward to peer into his face, "everything all right, your majesty?"

"Yes of course," Thor growled. "Everything's fine."

"Well…" the Kronan said, "I only ask because I was down the hall, a little ways – checking supplies you understand – and from _all_ the way over there," he gestured the direction he'd come. Thor didn't break stride or encourage the Kronan in any way. "I heard this big _whoom_. So I came running – you know – to make sure everything's all…hunky-dory."

"Yes," Thor gave him a tight smile. "It is."

They walked in silence down the deserted hall for nearly a minute, before Korg leaned down again. " _Is_ ," he asked, "everything hunky-dory?"

Glancing at him, Thor sighed. He decided it would be better to confide in someone, then to bear his frustration alone. "It's my brother," he admitted.

"Your brother went _whoom_?"

"No, _I_ –"

" _You_ went _whoom_?"

"Yes." Thor bit out.

"On your brother?"

"Yes, I –"

"I can see that he has that effect on some people."

" _Yes_ ," Thor said, half-turning to face the Kronan. Unexpected relief surged in his breast. " _Exactly_."

"So, what happened?"

"Well," Thor said, "I…well. He came to see me, and he was really there, which surprised me," Korg nodded understandingly, "so I hugged him, and then he got all 'oh, I killed our father', 'oh, I destroyed Asgard', 'oh, I tried to kill all your friends' – and _then_ ," Thor gave a grim chuckle. "Then, he turned himself into a frost giant,"

"Oh my _God_ ,"

"I know, right? Well, then he told me that _he's_ responsible for _both_ our parents' dying, so I…" Thor rubbed the back of his neck.

"You went _whoom_."

"Yeah," he shrugged, "sure."

They walked together in silence for several moments.

"So," Thor said, finally, "what do you think I should do?"

"Well," Korg said helpfully, "I think if you ever plan on writing that down, you should invest in a _really patient_ editor, because you have a true problem with run-on sentences, my friend."

Thor took two steps.

"I _meant_ ," Thor said, "about Loki."

"Oh," Korg said. "Right. Sorry. It sounds to me like you're trying really hard to have a good, probably misguided, relationship with this _really_ screwed-up brother of yours. Are you serious that he killed _both_ your parents? And then blew up your planet?"

"Well," Thor allowed, "It was _my_ idea, actually, to blow up the planet. You were there."

"Oh, right. 'Course I was. It's a funny story, really – because I like you and all – but I had _no idea_ where you'd run off to and a strange aversion to blowing-up planets, and then he just pops up and told us where we were going, and there we were. Right on your…rainbow…bridge…thing-y. Before it exploded."

"And he didn't _directly_ kill _either_ of them. To be fair," Thor scratched his chin, "he _couldn't_ have _known_ how it would turn out…. With our parents," he explained, "He's not a witch…"

"But he did try to kill your friends."

The skin at the edges of his eyepatch was unused to the constant chafing of the leather. He rubbed it absently with one hand as he nodded. "Most of them."

"He seems like kind of a reserved guy."

Thor looked up at Korg's face, uncertain – as he was often made by the Kronan – if he meant the statement to be taken seriously.

Korg shrugged. "I barely know the guy. But he seems to me to be the kind to try to push all his emotions down and then, when you least expect them…"

Thor nodded his head thoughtfully. " _Whoom_."

"Yeah," Korg laughed, giving his shoulder a light nudge with the back of one hand, "Now you're catching on. _Love_ to talk more, but that's Meek,"

A gadget on the Kronan's belt beeped.

"…I _did_ leave him in kind of a sticky situation, so I'll be seeing your majesty later."

Afraid – after what experience he had with Korg – to ask what the 'sticky situation' was, Thor lifted one hand in a wave.

 **III**

Thoughtfully, he walked down the hall alone. It became more populous the farther he went. Aesir bowed or greeted him reverently. He smiled and inclined his head in return, and he wondered at Korg's unexpected insights. He wondered if they might be true.

" _You still don't trust me?"_

" _Would you?"_

" _No. I wouldn't."_

After a time, he came to the main room of the ship, the largest room, with its great, convex window that faced out into space.

Earth hovered – a gentle, blue spec – ahead of them.

Heimdal stood alone before the window, watching the stars.

Thor drew up behind him.

"You are troubled," Heimdal said. He did not turn around.

Stopping beside the Watchman, Thor folded his arms. He blew out a long breath. "It is only Loki." Thor said. Then, wryly, "Again."

The barest hint of a smile could be seen in the corner of Heimdal's mouth.

Thor accompanied the Guardian on his watch.

Stars and galaxies oozed by the window as they crawled through space. Thor watched them.

"While he might not have done _good_ ," Heimdal said, lowly, after some time, "during his time as king of Asgard," he turned his eyes for one moment from the stars to meet Thor's. "It is worth mentioning that neither did he any true harm."

Startled, Thor followed Heimdal's gaze back to the stars. He thought of Loki's time on the throne during his banishment on Earth, and his attempted destruction of Jotunheim. He remembered Loki's attack on Earth.

Thoughtfully, he compared them with his quite reign in Odin's stead these past years.

"It changes little," he said.

It startled him that the words, once spoken, bore a sound of reluctance.

"My sight does not carry into the hearts of men, but there is much that I _do_ see that others do not."

Thor's temper flickered, stung by the riddles of the gatekeeper's speech. Wearily, he laid it aside. "What is it that you have seen?"

"I sought you," Heimdal said, "where you had last been sent, in Svartalfheim. But you had already gone. I found your brother, as I watched. And he was loathe to be woken and among the living."

"He," Thor faltered, "Heimdal, are you saying that he _didn't_ fake his death?"

"Not in the beginning," Heimdal's mouth slid up a fraction in the corner visible to Thor. "Not always are the proofs there, but this was a time I was inclined to trust my eyes." Heimdal glanced from the stars for the briefest moment. "Would you see it?"

Thor frowned, "The moment he woke?"

"I can retrieve certain images, stored within the gem I carry in my breastplate. This of which we speak, amongst them. I do not show it lightly, but I would be willing should my lord, the king, ask it of me."

Thor looked out at the stars, then, grimly, he nodded his head.

"So be it."

Thor gasped as the world turned inside out. He was confronted with the arid planes of Svartalfheim. Cliffs flanked the horizon.

His heart retreated in his breast, cringing from the memory of death that haunted the place. He had to remind himself that Loki was not dead and this place should hold no more weight over him.

Abruptly, he recalled why he was here, and he turned.

He watched as Loki woke. Thor had never seen magic like that. He winced to see the pain that it inflicted on his brother. He screamed, though Thor could hear nothing. His ears were muffled with distance.

The healing left Loki collapsed and shaking in the gravel. Thor watched as he began to return to himself, to recall what had happened and to realize his situation. He saw Loki hurriedly draw his hand out of his tunic, failing to find the wound that should have taken his life. He saw despair on his face. And Thor believed for the first time since he'd learned of Loki's lie that Loki had truly wished for death on that day.

To die in battle was to gain admittance to Valhalla.

To join their mother who had only just gone before.

" _Did she suffer?"_

With a roar the world vanished and the stars spread before him on the far side of the glass. The sounds of the people, and of the ship, reached him as a constant hum.

"Roads lie yet before us all," Heimdal said lowly. "One will often take longer than another to find his way upon them." He turned his gaze for one moment on Thor. "Have you seen enough, my king?"

Thor nodded. He drew a long, shuddering breath. Recovering himself, he summoned a smile. "I thank you, good Heimdal," he clapped the watchman on his broad shoulder. "You are ever the wisest of my councilors."

"Wisdom is quick to see itself in any mirror," Heimdal told him. He nodded his head. A smile that was part proud, part weary spread his mouth. "You will be a wise king."

Thor shrugged. "We'll see about that."

Thor left Heimdal. He went back to his rooms, his steps certain and direct.

 **IV**

He opened the door to his rooms.

Part of him was surprised to find that Loki was still there.

He was in a chair toward the back of the room with one elbow on its sloped arm, staring at the far wall, with the side of his fisted hand against his mouth.

When he heard the door, he flicked a glance in Thor's direction and straightened a little without rising. He let out a long, uneasy breath.

Carefully, Thor shut the door behind him. Folding his arms, he leaned one shoulder against the doorframe. "Why didn't you leave?" he asked, finally.

Loki didn't look at him. He let his hand fall. "You…" he shook his head like he knew what he was saying was beyond belief but could think of nothing else and shrugged despondently, turning one palm up, "told me to stay."

"That hasn't stopped you," Thor pointed out, " _any_ other time."

"No," Loki replied, more forcefully. He pushed himself upright in the chair, "No, it hasn't."

Thor felt his mouth begin to creep up in the first beginnings of a smile.

Deliberately, he removed himself from the wall. He cleared the space between them, and stopped in front of Loki. He rested both hands on the arms of the chair where Loki had no choice but to offer good view of his face. Loki kept his face turned to the wall.

"Maybe, you _are_ capable of change," Thor allowed. "And you're just too afraid to admit it."

Loki's chin jerked up and their eyes met. Loki's glinted in the light.

"I'm sorry," he said abruptly. The tears spilled over silently onto his face.

"I know," the place behind Thor's eyes stung.

Searching Thor's face, Loki seemed to find whatever he'd been looking for. A very faint smile just began to touch his mouth.

Tipping his chin up with two fingers, Thor pressed his lips to Loki's forehead. The kiss of a king. Loki's hands came up underneath his arms and Thor pulled him to his feet so they could embrace one another properly.

And this time, neither one of them was quick to allow the moment to end.

* * *

 **Subtitled: In which Thor is lonely, Loki doesn't handle affection well, we decide that Thanos should just go away so Korg can go to Earth and become a therapist, Meek wins the patience test, and Heimdal is less of a jerk than he could be.**

 **In the first draft, Korg was not there. He just happened. I laughed my ass off as I wrote it, so it stays. I will not apologize.**

 **I'm also - unashamedly - obsessed with redemption arcs. Specifically for Loki. He might not be a hero, but I don't think he's evil. In the early versions of TDW, Loki's death was real, and I LOVE the angst of that - just the soul-crushing despair he had to feel waking up, and then the choice he had to make, between admitting to Thor that he was alive and the vulnerability of that admission, or to stay dead and work in the shadows for a while - be safe from EVERYONE who's hunting him (I mean, it's not like he has a lot of friends right then). I LOVE the regret that would have to go with that decision (assuming he cares for Thor AT ALL - which I do). (The best fic I've read yet that deals with that choice is Lady Charity's Esau and Jacob Say Their Goodbyes. Heartbreaking, but well worth the investment.)**

 **This fic started with an image I've wanted to play with from the beginning of Loki showing Thor his Jotun form.**

 **The last straw was Clarra-Night's The Things I Miss, The Things I Don't. It's an AMAZING story that takes place at the end of 'Ragnarok'. Definitely give it a read. She's a phenomenal writer and her handling of Thor's grief in the aftermath of that movie - and the complications of his relationship with Loki are portrayed flawlessly. **

**Long note aside, thanks for reading, and let me know what you think ;)**


	3. Fake It

**Credit where credit's due, this one is named for a _Bastille_ song.**

* * *

Shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he crossed his ankles, Loki sighed. He leaned his head back against the wall, feeling the shuddering of the ship with every bone of his body, and he starred up through the murky darkness at the ceiling.

It was a vulgar, primitive means of travel, this. But it was what was left to them now.

Loki turned away. The darkness above swam with visions he had no wish to see. The utter senselessness of that annoyed him. He put his head back against the wall, looking defiantly into the shadows that stood there.

It seemed to him that he had been waiting for hours.

The entire _point_ was to arrive prior to Thor's retirement for the night, but it would appear that he'd rather misjudged his brother's habits.

He stood against the left-hand wall of Thor's bedchambers, in the dark, with his arms folded over his chest, and he waited, because this was – barring mutiny, as he was constrained to do for the time being – the only way to get his brother's attention.

And because they were right.

Norns.

Releasing his forearm, he lifted one hand distractedly and pinched the bridge of his nose with the thumb and first finger of his right hand.

In all probability they were more right than they had any way of knowing.

He ought to have done something sooner.

Refolding his arms he shifted his weight again.

It had been a niggling uneasiness in the back of his mind for some time, only brought to life by the hissed commentary he'd overheard two days ago. It was fanned by Thor's continuing failure to appear.

Loki, did not enjoy waiting. Nor did he relish any reminder he had of the lingering fondness he bore for his brother. It was a weakness, and best laid to rest. It would not help him in the days to come.

Had he not told himself that _a thousand times_ as he led Sakaar's gladiators to Asgard?

It made little difference.

Exasperated, Loki's mouth pressed a thin line and his eyes bore into the darkness. He settled himself to wait.

As it turned out, he hadn't to wait long.

It was only a few minutes later that a step shook the floor.

There were few whose tread could match _his_.

Loki found his footing. He schooled himself to studied indifference. Impatience, perhaps. He _had_ been kept waiting no little time.

A slit of light from the outer corridor split the darkness and cut into the little room.

Loki did not move.

Thor's head and shoulders blocked the light – more stooped than was his norm – and Loki saw his hand go out to touch the lamp.

Loki shut his eyes before the light could blind him.

When he opened them, Thor was looking at him.

Whatever Thor's immediate response _had_ been, he was no longer surprised.

Loki couldn't have said, looking at him, what passed through his brother's head. And that nettled him yet further.

As unresponsively as he'd looked at him, Thor looked away again. He shut the door, discarding various articles of his armor as he came into the room. He misjudged the distance between himself and the chair he meant to lay his effects on.

Loki did not point it out.

Some wounds were best left un-prodded.

"Hi," he decided.

Dispassionately, Thor rubbed his hands together, _finally_ turning to face him. "What do you want?"

Loki blinked. He tipped his mouth in the beginnings of a smile that was _almost_ a smirk. "Is it so hard to believe I might have no ulterior motive than to assure myself of your wellbeing? It's not as though you've made time to seek _me_ out."

Thor had gone over to the table where he kept what remained of the GrandMaster's impressive store of liquor – notably diminished though it was, courtesy of the Valkyrie. Loki followed him with his eyes. "Since it's you?" Thor pulled the stopper free of a red-glass decanter, "Yes. So what is it?"

"Well I'm glad to see brotherly sentiment has carried you _this_ far," Loki grumbled. But he saw Thor's hand tighten dangerously around the glass in his hand and hurriedly added, "There are those aboard ship who think our king is neglecting himself."

Thor took the drink smoothly in one motion. He didn't so much as look in Loki's direction. He poured himself a second, and turned to look over some document he'd left on the table that stood behind him.

Loki set aside his rapidly growing uneasiness.

"They say they never see you eat, and they claim they have no evidence you sleep – which," he said to Thor's back, gesturing with one hand, "I for one am inclined to believe it, seeing as you're only coming in now."

"Here _you_ are," Thor growled over his shoulder.

" _I_ don't carry the fate of this people," Loki said testily, "and neither do I make myself apparent at all hours."

"I'll take it under advisement," Thor said. Finishing the drink, he glanced with his good eye over his shoulder, "Anything else?"

His tone was curt and it reminded Loki of their father. Swallowing the sudden bitter taste in his mouth he said, "Will…you offer any reassurance to your people?"

" _My people_ ," Thor said, "should come to me themselves."

Unease flared in his mind, and Loki drew marginally closer. "They're not used, yet, to having a king who walks among them," he said.

Thor gave a mirthless laugh. "They should be, since I, 'walk among them' 'at all hours.'"

He reached again for the decanter and Loki's hand flew to stop him and landed beneath his on the stopper.

For the first time since he'd spoken, Thor's eye met his, wide and angry.

"Sleep," Loki said deliberately, "would serve you better."

"As skulking would serve you," Thor snapped. Drawing his hand away, he whirled to the table and braced his fists against it with a force that shook its contents. "You're self-appointed position as voice-of-the-people suits you little."

Thor did not give up fights. The insult took a breath too long to find voice. There was a disingenuous flash to Thor's eye. Loki calculated quickly. He knew that the blank look on Thor's face when he'd come in and the set of his shoulders was more than weariness.

He looked at his own hand where it lay blocking Thor's passage on the mouth of the red-glass decanter. How many times had he thought never to do this again.

Loki drew a breath through his nose. Without turning to face Thor's back, he asked, "What happened?"

"She died." Thor said.

Loki saw his hands fist and Thor pushed them against the table in a way that made the wood groan.

"Do not ask, because I'm _sure_ you were unaware," Thor's voice was a low growl.

Instinctively, Loki wanted to look for storm heads. He repressed the impulse.

"A woman was injured in our escape. By one of Hela's barbs. _I_ , _promised, her,"_ he punctuated every word and Loki wondered how much more the table could take before it shattered. "That she would be fine. That she would see a new home."

Straightening, Thor shook his head. "And I know I shouldn't promise such things. But I _did_ , Loki. And she _died_ , still believing I might save her."

Thor turned and met his eyes. His mouth was tipped in a bitter smile and Loki wondered what Odin had undergone to learn it, and so pass it to his son. The electric tang had gone out of the air. Still unmoving and never dropping Thor's gaze, Loki said, slowly, "You did nothing wrong."

Thor's smile widened. "Yet still unwise, eh, Brother? You would never have promised such a thing?"

Loki didn't answer. He watched as Thor went over to the low bench that stood against the wall. He sank down slowly onto it, and, glancing away, Loki tried not to notice how _old_ Thor looked, in that moment. Thor bent to unfasten his boot. "None of the Warriors Three were alive by the time we came," he said. Loki didn't turn to face him, but he heard Thor straightening. "They were slain in her first attack."

"I know."

Abruptly, Thor's head shot up.

Loki glanced at him. "Heimdal told me this morning."

"Oh." Thor looked at his hands.

"I wouldn't have kept that from you," Loki murmured. He took his hand from the decanter, refusing Thor's eyes. Finding he had nowhere better to put his hands, he folded his arms. He leaned his hip against the little table and watched how the liquids vacillated in their colored glass.

For all his discomfiture, Thor didn't appear to have heard him.

"She's dead," Thor repeated. He lifted his forehead out of his hand, pushing the shorn ends of his hair back from it like he'd forgotten it had been cut.

"There was nothing you could have done."

"Then _how_ can I expect to do _anything_ for this people?" Thor demanded.

The raw desperation in his voice startled Loki.

"They look to _me_ ," Thor said, "for answers, and I can't keep even one woman alive."

Loki shook his head, pushing past his own discomfort, "Kingship gives no man power over death,"

"You _don't understand_ ," Thor pleaded, "I _didn't_ –" he drew a long breath, "I didn'teven know her name."

Slumping forward, Thor kneaded the heels of his palm into his eye.

Looking back at the various colors in the bottles, Loki thought that alcohol was much simpler. There was nothing he knew to lessen the anguish of Thor's position. No _words_ , no _magic_ , no _tricks_ could fix this. He was, utterly, out of his element. Alcohol posed him no such stumbling blocks.

"Forget it," Thor said. "You wouldn't understand."

Loki's jaw tightened as any idea of comfort dissipated under the force of old injuries.

"Fine," he said, tightly. "Then since it's apparent I'm of no _use_ here, I'll take –"

Thor's shoulders jerked, his face hidden by his hands.

"– my leave…"

Stupefied, Loki only watched as Thor began to weep into his hands.

He couldn't remember the last time he had seen Thor cry.

Thor was always strong. He might admit to hurts and wear them plainly in his face, but it was never he who broke beneath the strain.

Loki didn't know what to do.

He looked at the liquor that stood, at his elbow, as though it might give him answers.

Exasperated, with himself as much as the whole stupid mess of the rest of it, he pushed off the table. Half-expecting to be driven away, he went across the room and kicked aside the boots Thor had discarded at his feet to take his place beside his brother. Before he could convince himself to think better of it, he put one arm, awkwardly, across Thor's heaving back.

Thor didn't give any sign he'd noticed, which Loki decided was a good enough sign.

As he was thoroughly out of ideas at that point, Loki just stayed there, and he didn't say anything.

* * *

 _Loki had never been one to keep regular hours, and these days, more than ever, he found it most expedient to his purposes to move where there was least resistance. For the time being, that translated to what passed for night aboard the_ Arc.

 _He moved through the darkened corridors without sound. He went over calculations, stores, records. He double and triple checked what others had done in the light of day, bringing up and deftly dismissing the screens that were located at various points around the ship. During the light of day when there were others about, he listened to their complaints from vantage points where he was not observed, and he took those into account as he deemed prudent._

 _He had forfeited his place as Asgard's king. The past years had served as an unshakable reminder of the more sensible voice that had cut through all his childish jealousy and told him he had no true desire for a throne. Thor was king. Thor had earned his place._

 _Another thing that had abrasively made itself known to him these past years, was that no man could bear a kingdom alone._

 _But it wouldn't do for Thor to think that he had aspirations. He wasn't a challenger for Asgard's throne. Not again._

 _So he did what he could, taking great pains to be seen doing all he had been asked to do by his brother, and nothing greater. The rest he did in secret._

 _Heimdal knew, of course. There was no helping that._

"…but he looks so _tired_ , I'm afraid he never sleeps,"

 _The woman's voice echoed in his head._

 _It had been surfacing every so often through the past hours. And it's answer, an older, dryer tone:_

"A young king in crisis will sometimes spend himself too us pray at least that no new catastrophe will befall us."

"What _new_ catastrophe could overtake us _now_?"

 _Loki knew. He had seen happenings in the depths of space that the destruction of Asgard could only_ begin _to challenge._

 _He did not want to go to Thor himself. There were betrayals that were yet too raw. Hulk was out of the question. And the Valkyrie would not trust him. Besides that, her nature would be too brash._

 _Fandril, Sif, Volstagg or Hogan would have been no better, but he had seen none of them in the attack, and it was unlike any of them to hang back when swords were ready. Loki held onto no great hope concerning them._

 _"You're out late this evening." Heimdal did not turn from the window, but Loki had not expected him to._

 _"Or early, as it were." Loki drew up beside him, folding his arms._

 _Stars and galaxies spun out before them in the sucking depth of the Void._

 _"Early it is, indeed," the Watchman allowed, with some amusement, Loki thought. He didn't know whether or not to be annoyed by that._

" _And what could the god of Mischief have to ask of me, this morning? You see nearly as much as I, these days."_

 _Loki chose to take no offense, as Heimdal might prove to be the nearest thing he had to an ally in this."You have had words with Thor?"_

 _Heimdal's golden eyes turned on him for but a moment. "You have not?"_

 _Heimdal's surprise was apparent, palpable. Following his gaze back to the sprawling view before them, Loki gave a tight-lipped smile. "A king has many duties on which to spend his time," he said, "and still more people who wish to occupy what's left of it."_

 _"But you are his brother."_

 _Considering that, Loki's head tipped a little to one side. He regarded the Watchman. "One might almost think," he said, after a moment, "that you sow dissent, Heimdal."_

 _"On the contrary," the Watchman's face did not change, "I prompt a responsibility."_

 _"A responsibility?"_

 _Heimdal looked at him, with one brow raised. "You are his brother, are you not?"_

 _Loki did not answer, and Heimdal turned back to his watch._

" _And he may be in great need of his brother, before long."_

 _His anxiety fanned, Loki glanced down. He shifted his feet, lifting his chin to face the stars. "It wears on him, then?"_

" _No more than it did on you," Heimdal said._

 _Loki looked at him, but there was no trace of humor on the Watchman's face._

 _Heimdal met his look. "His rule is not a time of recovery, but of crisis," straightening, Heimdal continued, "He will need his friends, before long. And he has few enough of those, yet remaining."_

 _Heimdal glanced at him again. "The Warriors Three, did not survive Hela's attack."_

 _His eyes sliding away, Loki nodded his head._

 _Having said his piece, the Watchman remained silent._

" _I'm not sure," Loki said at length, "that Thor counts me among his friends." He gave the Watchman a wry smile._

 _Heimdal's expression surprised him. "Did you not fight beside him on the bridge?"_

 _Loki blinked, "Yes?"_

 _Heimdal nodded his head, once, decisively._

" _That means nothing."_

" _It means everything." Heimdal countered. "You're all he has left, after all."_

 _Heimdal elaborated no further, and, after a minute or two, Loki turned on his heel and wordlessly took his leave._

 _He did not sleep, as was his wont, in those next hours. Perturbed, he lay in the dim light of his room, and he stared at the ceiling. When that grew to be too much of a strain, he got up. He took out his knives, and he polished their clean surfaces as if the greatest battle had just been asked of them._

 _In the mockery of daylight aboard ship, he moved as he always did, keeping alert for sign of his brother. Thor's fingerprints were everywhere. His movements made ripples. The air vibrated with his voice in nearby corridors. But ever he evaded Loki's presence until Loki was rather inclined to believe that it was done deliberately._

 _Waiting ambush in Thor's room was a desperate effort, but he couldn't shake the echo of the women's voices or of what Heimdal had said to him._

 _Not any more than he could shake the faintest hope that it might be true._

* * *

"I can't lead them," Thor admitted.

He had been quiet for a long time, just sitting, bowed with his elbows on his knees and his hands folded.

Loki was sitting, motionless beside him, with one arm across his shoulders. At first he had stayed because he did not know what else to do, and then he stayed because he thought Thor must have forgotten that he was there and he did not want to draw attention to himself again for fear that Thor would lash out.

His voice was rough at the edges, but it was soft.

Loki shifted a little further back, moving his hand to the place between Thor's shoulder blades so that there was more space between them.

"Of course you can," he said.

His own voice was hoarse from disuse, these past minutes. There was an odd symmetry to that. He thought Thor noticed it. Thor glanced toward him with his good eye. "Don't flatter me with your pretty lies," he sighed. Hanging his head he said, "I can't fight with you, now. I'm not…"

Lifting his head to look out straight before him, Thor drew a long breath, "I'm not the man they believe me to be."

"That's true enough," Loki smiled.

Startled, Thor looked back at him. Breathing a cough as he turned away, Thor almost smiled in return. But he sobered quickly. "I can't lead them. I," he glanced down, as though he were ashamed. "I'm not ready."

"A wise man," Loki said, choosing his words carefully, "might give that as proof of your readiness."

"A wise man?" Thor asked, lifting his head, "Like you?"

Loki smiled. "I never said I was wise. I merely parrot the words."

Thor nodded his head, rubbing the back of his neck. "They sound like Mother's words."

Abruptly uncertain that he could speak, Loki said nothing.

Thor remained quiet, for a long time.

"Do you believe them?" he said, finally.

It had been so long that Loki had forgotten of what they had been speaking. "Do I believe what?" he asked. His voice betrayed him and he turned his head away, fearful of Thor's scrutiny.

Thor's mention of their Mother had caught him unawares, and she had come more freshly to his mind than he was used to. Asgard's loss was more real when it was the place she had lived.

Whether Thor understood his response or not, he didn't speak for several moments.

"Do you believe that I can lead them?" he asked, at length.

When Loki turned his head, Thor was looking at him, his one remaining eye searching.

Loki knew in that moment that Thor had given him power. Power to make him, or to destroy. And he had no words to do either.

He remembered Volstagg's old epithet, 'SilverTongue.' It felt more mockery than ever as his tongue was leaden in his mouth. He couldn't look away, not without answering.

The words rose, with or without his bidding.

"Of course you can," he said again.

But the words somehow meant so much more, this time.

Thor looked away.

"There is…" Loki watched Thor's hands as they gripped each other. He'd noticed Thor doing that more, since Mjolnir was gone. Thor looked over at him, expectant. Loki met his eyes and his heart skipped, almost as though he was afraid, "…no one, else, who can."

Thor's eyebrow quirked curiously, "Not even you?" he asked. His mouth tipped in just the barest hint of a smile.

Giving a mirthless laugh Loki dropped his eyes, "No, I – We would all have been dead, under my governance."

The look in Thor's eye softened. He put his hand on Loki's neck. Self-conscious, Loki drew his hand from Thor's shoulder, folding his arm across him.

After a moment, Thor took his hand away, and Loki felt that he could breathe again.

Drawing a long breath, Thor rubbed the back of his neck and folded his hands before him. "What do I do?"

He asked it like he would ask the operating procedure of some small thing, not like a man being crushed under the weight of a kingdom.

Loki was startled, "You're…" he half-turned to face his brother, "asking me?"

"Well," Thor almost laughed, and he sounded like himself. His old self. "You've done this before."

Loki snorted. "Poorly."

Thor met his eyes directly, demanding, "You couldn't have done better?"

The idea that Thor thought he could, touched him, and he looked away, clearing his throat. "Work on the big things," he decided, finally. "The visible roles of the King. The things that no one else can do. Leave the details to themselves."

"…or someone else?"

Catching back a smile, Loki nodded his head.

"It's you whose been going over the records, isn't it?" Thor asked.

"I couldn't have your _counselors_ killing us."

Thor gave a short laugh and, fixing his sleeve, Loki smiled.

Thor fell silent again after that. Taking a furtive glance at him, Loki decided that Thor was not happy, but he was quiet. There was no longer any fear of his drinking himself into oblivion or tearing the ship apart from within. He'd done his work.

Pressing his palms to his knees, Loki stood up.

Thor was watching him with a startled look on his face. "Where are you going?"

"Well, the computers aren't going to self-correct the mis-typed coordinates," he said blandly. "And I'd rather _not_ sail directly into a star while Heimdal marvels at the beauty of it."

This time, Thor did laugh.

"Get some sleep," Loki said. "Asgard needs her king at his best."

He went to the door, and he had the knob in his hand when Thor stopped him, "Loki,"

He did not quite turn, "Yes?"

"Would you…" Thor fumbled, as though uncertain how to speak his mind.

Loki turned to face him, curiosity furrowing his brow.

Thor ran a hand down his face, deciding finally, "I could use your help, tomorrow, Brother, in daylight."

Loki pressed the absurd pleasure he felt at that out of sight under a raised eyebrow, " _My_ help?"

"That _is_ what I said."

Loki gave him a short glance, "Do you think that's wise?"

"I do unwise things all the time," Thor smiled at him, softly. "It usually works out."

Loki fingered the worn door handle and he found that he was smiling.

"Do you think maybe you could…" Thor fumbled, "show me how to do some of that sometime? The things with the computer? Korg tried to teach me, but…"

Thor gave a helpless shrugging motion with his hand.

"As king," Thor straightened, "it would behoove me to know."

There was gentle mockery in Thor's tone. Jibes from a lost day. Loki found it was pleasant, to be on the receiving end of it, again.

"Well," he said, finally. "If I can't do better than a Kronan," he glanced at his brother, giving a loose shrug, "Then what use am I?"

He knew how it was likely to go. He'd 'taught' Thor many things throughout their lives. The experiments typically ended with Thor flipping whatever it was they had been working at onto the floor and storming out of the room, none the wiser than when they had started.

Loki found he missed that.

Thor looked at him, all trace of mockery gone.

"Thank you, Brother."

Meeting Thor's lone eye, Loki remembered Heimdal's words.

 _"You're all he has left, after all."_

And he looked away. "Rest well, Brother."

But as he closed the door behind him, he smiled.


End file.
